woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
