how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
