dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
