Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
