When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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