it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
