all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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