You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize