can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
