That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
