His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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