The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
