Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
