my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My dick has a subreddit
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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