One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
