I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
