I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
