Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
