great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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