apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
