I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
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I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
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Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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