So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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