I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
