went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
