Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
