cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
