my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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