I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
