NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
porn star boner night. come get it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
