____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I have tasted many bathrooms
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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