I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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