He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
