I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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