Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
im holly from the hills drunk
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
