If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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