My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
