ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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