swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Randomize
