She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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