I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
