I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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