Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
