she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
