You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
