she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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