All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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