So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm at about main and main street
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
