I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
