I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
