you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
