Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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