I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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