Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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