Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
