I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
