i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Fuck appropriateness.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
