And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
