I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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