Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
