His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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