the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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