Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
