never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
