You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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