I puked a lego.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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