why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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