We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
A bitchslap is in order.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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