Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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