i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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