new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
