Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
