Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
