Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Pooping to opera.
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