forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Randomize
