Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
