I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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