Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
