What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
