Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize